Am I supposed to be suffering...?!

Sawatdee ka! Kun chew arai, ka? Di chan chew Jennifer. Yin di thii di roojak. Saharat Amerigun. Di chan aayuu saam sip. Kun phuut pawsa ungrit dai mai? Di chan phuut pawsa thai dai mai maak! Just wanted to make you sweat as you try to read what I wrote - this is my signature salutation, until I spruce it up a bit!

...(hello! What is your name? My name is Jennifer. Pleased to meet you. I am from America. I am 30 years old. Can you speak any english? I don't speak very much Thai!)

So it may seem that I am "living it up" here in Thailand...we'll I can't say that I'm suffering, it is kindof strange to be living so well. I guess I have come to the conclusion that the Lord is either blessing me or testing me...and I am ready for either challenge! :) Seriously, I understand, and again, His humor is not lost on me! It has been an amazing gift and an eye opener in many ways. As I've seen many examples of this, I think as an American with money, it's hard not to live like this, honestly. Not even because we always want to - I guess it's because we can. Although, in this particular situation, I didn't even ask for it! :) Anyways, I'm not getting defensive or anything - it was just my own observation and sometimes it sucks to be the ignorant American surrounded by an unfamiliar society...no matter how culturally sensitive or open you are to the community around you. Thoughts to ponder...!

Needless to say, I love the Thai staff I work with - they are amazing, hard working, talented, compassionate, and patient. What a gift to be here with them - learning and sharing with one another! :) I pray that the Lord will guide me on how to help them in their social work program, by learning their culture and respecting their values in the process. It is so refreshing to come from a christian perspective as well. I love having prayer everyday as a group, and having daily devotion times - it has been refreshing and renewing for me. It helps me have clarity on what is God's will in this mission and how I fit in.

As I said in an earlier blog, I have been offered a position within the Thai office already! (Gosh, I'm good!) :) Just kidding - I know that they need a lead social worker and I am obviously willing to be here and help as I can...it just may mean longterm!? (Don't freak out yet, mom). I am praying about what to do next, and I would appreciate all your prayers as well. I guess I've always thought about being a full-time 'missionary of sorts' and living overseas, but as it becomes closer to a reality, it's scary! Can I live here longterm? Do I feel God wants me here? Do I want to live back in the States and get another social work job? Do I want to go to Law school? Or, gasp, Seminary?! Only God knows at this point! As for now, I have talked with the director and decided to get into an intensive language study program to learn Thai and prepare for a potential future here! (note, I use my words carefully - I have not committed to anything yet, but I do see the value in learning the language at a faster pace).

So, the moral of the blog, is that I may not be "suffering" in the strong sense of the word, but the potential is there for some serious soul-searching-suffering...and much needed spiritual guidance for the future. So, I look to my favorite scripture, Psalm 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path". *thanx for listening! :) love you all!