Ramblings...

It has been a couple months since my last entry and I wanted to bring you up to speed on my life (if you're interested!?)

I finally moved into my new 1 bedroom apartment outside of Boston - it is so great and spacious, in a safe building, has nice (old!) neighbors, storage, and a view of the trees! It's crazy expensive to me (compared to Thailand of course!) but it's been worth it.

I also officially started working with an adoption program that helps families adopt foster care kids in Massachusetts. It's been 2 weeks so far and seems good! It will be nice to be on the more 'positive' side of social work! I've definately seen some of the worst sides....

During my times in Thailand I saw a lot of things that I wish I hadn't - young girls in go-go bars, sex-trick shows, strip clubs, kids selling things (or themselves) on the streets to take care of their families, hilltribe children being at risk to be trafficked because they lack opportunities, education, and resources. I felt needed and able to offer some help - but my time ended too short and I'm frustrated with my feelings...I haven't begun to figure out what I feel and why or how to deal with it...but I have to trust that God is in control and has plan for those in need, and for me.

I recently volunteered at a Christian camp for foster care kids that have been abused/neglected, and it was the most difficult week I have had in 5 summers...I had a couple kids that needed to be restrained and counseled more in depth. It was really difficult for me emotionally to deal with this since coming home 3 months ago and still dealing with some of my own loss issues from Thailand...as well as it just being hard to handle the physical restraints and emotionally draining to calm down children that were violent, depressed, and hurting. I got sooo angry at the social worker and families involved that I was ready to quit my new job before starting!? Why are social workers in the field if they really don't care about the kids welfare? And why are parents volunteering to be foster or adoptive families if they don't want the responsibility or understand the mental health and trauma issues behind the behaviors?? uggghhh.


I really questioned why the heck God wanted me there that week - I really needed a rest but I wanted to help out my friend by volunteering. I was so stressed and tired and emotional - but I realized that God wanted me there for a specific reason - to simply help these 2 kids to cope (simple and difficult at the same time!). To get out of my comfort zone and relatively stress-free life, in order to give strength and hope to kids that are struggling. And I was honored to be there, really. Every summer I have been there has been a blessing. The kids are so sweet and amazing and the camp goes above and beyond to make the kids feel special, loved, and worthy. They are taught about God, sing songs together, do arts and crafts, sports and games, and celebrate each child's birthday! :)

I am determined to make a difference in the field of adoption - even though I don't know a ton right now - and it's frustrating working with the state...but there is a PURPOSE for me here! :) I am still missing Thailand and the work I was doing there and my friends and church - it's been a difficult transition in the sense that I had a great community (close to me) and now I'm starting over again. I mean, I'm not lacking for friends and a social life back in Boston (!) but I don't have the community and culture and volunteer work I was doing before. I need to slow down with the social engagements so I can get involved in the community around me!

So, that is my life - complicated and simple - mundane and interesting - emotional and stagnant...and it is good.